the shippy snk dictionary
by rosettique
Summary: 1) ablution: the act of washing oneself / Erwin spits coffee on Levi's arm. It is an accident. He is sorry. / a collection of one-shots set in the same verse, all written for one-word prompts.


**ab·lu·tion**

/əˈblo͞oSHən/

_noun_

1. The act of washing oneself.

2. A ceremonial act of washing parts of the body or sacred containers.

* * *

"Jesus fucking christ, Erwin, did you just spit coffee on my arm. You did just spit coffee on my arm. Why the fuck did you spit coffee on my arm."

Erwin reciprocated Levi's intimidating glare for a second before he broke into fits of giggles.

Manly giggles.

"Sorry, sorry. It was your fault, anyway. You knew I was drinking, but you just had to crack that shit joke – no, not a bad-joke-shit-joke but a shit- you know what I mean."

Levi glared. "It's _my_ fault that _you_ spat coffee on _my_ arm?"

"Okay, fine – our fault."

"_It's **our **fault that **you **spat coffee on **my **arm?_"

"Well."

"**_Well_**_?_"

"Fine, it's my fault. I'm sorry."

Levi scoffed and side-stepped Erwin, heading for the kitchen behind him to hopefully scrub the coffee-saliva mixture and _germs, oh my god fucking _germs, off his arm under ten minutes.

"Here, to show you how sorry I am, I'll even help you clean!" Erwin declared.

"Erwin, you don't clean."

"I do. I bathe, I brush my teeth, I launder my clothes and bed sheets, I sweep, I mop and I wash the dishes. I clean."

"Granted, it's to keep my prickly boyfriend happy, but I _do_ clean."

With that, Erwin took Levi's hand in his own and snatched the sponge out of Levi's other hand and proceeded to pick up where Levi left off.

Until he realized there was a much more efficient method to do this.

His eyes widened, and his face fucking lit up like he discovered the elixir of life. Levi wanted to slap himself – would've, if not for his soapy hands and _ew,_ germ-stained hands – for thinking that the look on Erwin's face was endearing.

And then the man dropped Levi's arm in the sink and fuck endearing thoughts because _does Erwin realize there are infinite germs crawling about a fucking sink? Apparently not because he has the brain of a shrimp. Erwin fucking shrimp of a man Smith, except not really because he's definitely much larger than a shrimp and I am probably the shrimp in this relationship, size-wise. _

_But still. He's such a shrimp-head._

"Stay here," Erwin said – no, ordered.

Levi grumbled, "As if I could go anywhere."

A few minutes later, Erwin was back, clutching a bottle of, "_Sweet baby Jesus,_" Levi nearly squealed (if he was a lesser man, he would) "_is that hand sanitizer?_"

"I've been told we look alike, but I didn't realize the resemblance was _that_ close."

Levi reverted back to his default sour expression at Erwin's piss-poor excuse of a joke. He yanked the tube out of Erwin's hand, uncapped the god-sent product, and poured it liberally over his arm.

"You know the opening is a small hole for a reason, right?"

Levi paused. "You don't like small holes?"

Erwin looked Levi down.

Levi did the same, except his looking down was figurative.

Erwin looked away first. Levi smiled triumphantly. Erwin wondered if it was normal for him to only see his boyfriend smile when he gave in.

Nine minutes and fifty-three seconds later, Levi considered his clean and sore arm a job well done. The fact that he accomplished everything below ten minutes only served to please him even further.

Erwin glanced at the clock and sighed, "We're going to be late."

"Who's fault is that again?"

Erwin's eyes drifted back to Levi. He wanted to argue and stand up for himself and _be a man_. Really, he did. But that almost childish tone and Levi acting like an angry duck with all his feathers bristling and chest puffed out subconsciously (in all actuality, Levi was not doing any of the above. Erwin's eyes simply filtered strange images) was enough for Erwin to drop it.

He chuckled, "Right. Mine."

(Or maybe Levi _was_ acting like an angry duck with his feathers bristled and chest puffed out. Except it wasn't out of annoyance – it was out of fondness).

"Get moving then, you snail of a shrimp."

"What do you have against animals, Levi?"

"Nothing. I appreciate them. They're good for eating and insulting you."

Erwin unlocked the door to their flat. "Let's just go," he said, sighing yet again.

* * *

**Author's Note**

* * *

Idea (stolen) taken from 'The Lover's Dictionary' by David Levithan.

Does 'taken' qualify as euphemism? I don't know, you judge.

* * *

I needed to study for my SATs. I wanted to write fanfics. I didn't want any opportunity costs (oooh, look at that, I just economied the hell out of this sentence). This happened.

And hey, I mean, this could be helpful for your vocab revisions too! For example, the next time you forget what abstinence means, just think of Levi and Erwin not doing the do. Guaranteed 800 for reading.

Thank you for reading! Feedback is always appreciated


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